thŕattle

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails……

Courtesy: Saranya Devi Ramachandran

— Fwed by Sanjay N Patil —

My Dear Laplace,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset,
when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras.

— Fwed by Sanjay N Patil —

“if Pythagoras is in love with Laplase” then the converse is also *True*, isn’t it? I suppose that he is not well conversant with corollaries. >:O)

Sasidhar says, “The road to Success is not Straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, you will make it to a place called Success”.

Me: “Won’t he require a map called Desire, fuel called Hard Work, a green signal called Belief, an accelerator called Motivation and a brake called Satisfaction to stop at a place called Success?”

Sharvan replied saying, “Success is not a place it is an NH road. The place that you are talking is your destination and it changes as life moves on. So, when you reach the destination that you have set yourself, you are on the path of Success. There is nothing like you stop at success”.

Me: “That was a Theoretical answer. Lets be practical and discuss what we practice. Success is sure, a Destination to reach. You need to spend sometime there and Relish yourself. This is called Satisfaction. Unless you do this, you won’t have that motivation to reach Success1. Do you think this Success1 is NH1 Road? :D Never. If it is I can directly go to Success1 rather to Success. Do u have any ByPass roads which are roads to 30% Success? The path to Success is not a High-Speed-Free-Lane-HighWay. Comeon. U need to feel the pain and shed sweat to Reach a never-ending NH Road. ;)”

This is Santhosh: “I got a strong doubt now…. R u (friends) all speed bumps or red lights to influence our current flats ?”

Sharvan again, “We are speed bumps to stop you from going rash and ;)”

–The discussion ends successfully–

Its almost 2 weeks since I posted at ScreamCast. Would you mind to know the reason? Hmm. Last Week, my Team Lead killed himself. People say all because of some family problems. Lot of people in my office noticed he being dull and very silent. Everyone realised that something was going wrong. When enquired, his answer was, “No Yaar; Nothing for me”. Finally when insisted strong, he came out that his mother was not well. This was not convincing. Every mom in this world have better chances of dying before their sons. Diseases and aging are there to kill. This is natural. Ok. Ok. Lets not dig deep why, when and how this mishapp occured.

There are always lessons to learn. One needs to be bold while in depression. Act wise and face the tormenting situations. Sucides are cowardish. Escapism. Selfishness To some extent. We need to be open and let know people around whats troubling. Friends? Who are they? And why are they with you? Crisis management is what all schools has to teach the children. Controling and Winning emotions should be its chapters. Our Mind is the most powerful and the most destructive weapon. How we use it matters. 0.5 is close to 1 or 0? Whatelse can be the most aspiring/inspiring other than living and enjoying every second in our lifetime? Our life is a Celebration. The world celebrates it. We, the world.